Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Shut up and listen

Resistance Training by James Christensen

It is doubtful that my friend Jeff reads my blog, but I know my Mom does. And it is because of these two people that tonight...things change!

It's no secret that my life as of late has been a bit of a struggle. From being unemployed...to the living situation...to the A/C going out in my car, I am constantly challenged by one thing and another. After yesterday's disappointing job interview of course I called Mom and cried about everything. My brilliant Mother suggested that she might not be the best person to talk to, but that my Heavenly Father would be a better ear to bend. Frustrated I told her I HAD prayer about it and I didn't know what the Lord wanted me to do. In genuine motherly patience she suggested I wasn't listening to the Lord. And in genuine daughterly impatience I snapped that I WAS listening and I didn't know how else to listen!

So last night after an emotionally exhausting day I was unable to sleep and found myself sobbing at 2:30 a.m. struggling to fight a horrible headache and lost in my own self-worry. I kept thinking, "what am I doing wrong?!" It was then that I realized maybe I should ask for a little more help from the Lord in guiding my actual search, not just the "oh please help me find a job!" pleading I seem to be doing lately.

This morning I woke feeling the same as I usually do and focusing on the first and only thing to pop into my mind...the dreaded job hunt. The first thing I always do when I wake up is turn on my computer and check to see if any interesting job opportunities fill my inbox. However this morning I didn't jump right in, I made a slight change and said a prayer to guide my search. I didn't get any immediate job offers and didn't expect to really...but felt a little better about life, at least until tonight.

Tonight I received a very unpleasant call about my approaching move. I won't go into details, because they aren't relevant, but the problem lead me to call my friend Jeff and vent to him about my poor pathetic situation. I was really upset and feeling really beaten down, completely overwhelmed and quite honestly unsure of what to do next, as usual. We talked a little about the job search and because he and I were together last night (after the disappointing interview) he knew the details of that most recent situation. I mentioned to him the listening comment that Mom made, but of course I tried to talk my way out of that too. That's when he said it "shut up and listen." I wasn't surprised to hear him say it, he's like that, but I was sad. I was sad that I have to feel like this to learn.

Jeff reminded me of so many things, I wish I could put it all into words right here so I could remember it forever. He reminded me for one, that my Mom is right. I haven't been listening at all, I have been screaming & yelling...shouting "I've worked so hard, why am I struggling?!" and expecting the Lord to respond. I'm sure He did respond, I just never heard him.

No degree, not from Kennesaw State or Harvard or Yale means anything in the eternal perspective. And no matter what my job, I'm still here on the Lord's errand. I am so blessed, I was born in the United States to amazing parents. There are some places on this Earth that it is a miracle to survive childhood, much less gain an education at all, or for goodness sake a degree! I have a car to drive, food to eat, a place to lay my head...I am so blessed!

I should be involved in the Lord's errand, not my own. Jeff reminded me that if I wake up every morning asking what the Lord wants me to do and have a willingness to serve, I will not have want for anything; doors will open, opportunities will present themselves and I will be even more blessed and more successful than I could ever imagine. The Lord will help me, I just have to be willing to do what he asks of me and shut up and listen.

Mom, I'm sorry I'm such a brat and too prideful. Jeff, thanks for telling me to just "shut up and listen" I would have bit the head off of anyone else that had tried. Love you both.

I have my own personal resistance training...my life!

4 comments:

Emily said...

Amen sister!

its so hard to listen and can be scary but really its not that scary to ask God to help us guide our path.

Nicole said...

I like JEff! Glad he had to say it and not me...LOL!! Love ya girl! I need to take the same advice!

Supershepherds said...

That's a hard lesson to learn. I'm sorry you're still in the thick of that classroom training. It's a different sort of degree I guess. Love you.

Shauna_Rae said...

Loved your post and reminder for me to listen. I have such a hard time doing that yet life could be so much easier if I would listen.

I know there is a job for you just around the corner. You are in my prayers!